Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
two words: eviction party
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
