dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
