I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize