I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
