i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
