hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
