i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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