I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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