Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize