I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
