cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
