He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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