You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
