I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
