What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
