It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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