She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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