Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
being pregnant is like rehab
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
