We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Randomize
