roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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