I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
