come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
