I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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