Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
