OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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