My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize