Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize