Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
