I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
