mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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