Will you blow on my dice?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
