Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
