marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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