I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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