Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
