I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
