We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I touched a dick in church today
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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