I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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