chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
