I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
