I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
