i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize