I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
