I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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