I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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