I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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