oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
