yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
