My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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