none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
