O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
