those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
