sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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