His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
