oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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