Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
