it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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