Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize