i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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