be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
