Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
