i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
