I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Who died my cat blue again?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
