I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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