I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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